Miri Piri Academy - the new living hell.

I was part of 3HO or the “healthy, happy, holy organization” until I was 19. It was considered a sect of Sikhism but in reality it was a dangerous cult. I was brought up into their values and perceptions and thinking from birth. Something in the back of my mind even as a very young child told me something was wrong. My mother always made me put on a turban for school and I’d ask every day when I could take it off. I went to summer camps in New Mexico after our yearly summer solstice celebrations where the camp leaders were cruel, the peers had already gone to the school in India together and had formed cliques and friendships and I was alone with the few others who had not yet attended the school. I begged my parents not to send me to the school in India, I threatened suicide, I tried to run away. In August 2004, the beginning of my 9th grade year when I was 14, my parents sent me anyways. I had a farewell party with my friends, my mom took me to the zoo the day before I left and we both cried. I will never forget a minute of the day I went to the airport. I felt like I was walking to my death. I’ve never felt so much pain as I looked back at my parents while walking through security knowing I would not see them, my friends, my home or anything else I knew for 9 months and would have limited contact with any of them. I sat on the long plane ride to our stop over in Germany unable to sleep, crying, and listening to the same song on repeat the entire ride. I think I had dissociated for the first time that day, I felt like I was an empty shell, not even in my body, I felt like I had nothing left to live for. After stopping over I’m Frankfurt, Germany and meeting up with other students from different countries and getting McDonald’s, we resumed our next plane ride to Delhi. Kids were now sitting together and laughing about similar past experiences in India and they generally looked excited. The new students seemed unsure, and with few adults present to talk to about what was happening, many of us felt lost, alone and homesick. I’d start to begin to realize this would always be the case. Few adults to rely on and almost no direction. This was just part of the culture so I felt the need to “suck it up” as it was often said. After arriving in Delhi, we got onto a bus for the long 12 hour bus ride to Amritsar where the school was. I was a skinny kid and carrying my two 50 pound duffle bags to the bus was no easy task. As I had visited India and the school with my parents and brother in 6th grade for two weeks I thought I had known what to expect to some extent but I still felt completely unprepared for what was to come. Again I couldn’t sleep on the bus. I remember just sitting and staring into the darkness the whole time wishing I could be anywhere but there. We finally arrived at the school, the bus drivers dumped our bags out and left. Students gathered their things and walked off. I was then alone in front of the monstrous pile of bags, hoping mine were still in there somewhere and not a single staff to give me any direction as to where to go. I dug through the bags and found mine. Exhausted, jet lagged and still tear stricken I tried to drag my heavy bags up some stairs to no avail. I found another path to walk down and somehow managed to find the girls dorms. Many people were already settling into their rooms by the time I got there. I did not know where I was supposed to go. I found a few people I had known from previous summer camps and asked to room with them. I was rejected. Seemingly The only other room available was filled with a mixture of new and old students, 5 of them not including me. They did not acknowledge me as I started to unpack my stuff, a staff came into the room and started joking with some of the returning students and told me which cupboard I could use for my clothes. She told me formation would be soon as people started filing out of the dorms. What was formation? I had no idea. I learned that we would all have to stand at attention in line according to height where they would make sure every student was present. I was assigned to White house, one of the four houses (white, blue, gold and silver) Along with many of the others from Massachusetts. They went over the rules and plans for the next couple days. We were supposed to leave in the next few days to go on a three day hike in the Himalayas to the top of a spiritual mountain named Hemkunt. This was my first hearing of this plan. Then we went to dinner. I couldn’t eat so I just went back to the dorms. There were many other activities that night despite being jet lagged, mostly yoga and meditation related. Each time starting with another formation. I was exhausted. Finally we went back to the dorms for bedtime. Three of the girls who knew each other from Germany were watching finding Nemo in German, from my bed in the distance I could see it and cried myself to sleep. 

This is only a small fraction of what I went through. I cried every night my entire first year, I lost my period again for the entirety of the first year which I can only assume is a trauma response. I was later on bullied for being too emotional because I was crying all the time and wanted to go to sleep earlier than my roommates (we were often severely sleep deprived because of the schedule). I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Every formation from then on, I hung my head in defeat. I had no choice, no hope, nothing to look forward to, nothing to live for. I kept going because I knew my parents thought this was right and I wanted to show them I could survive this and prove to them I was who they wanted me to be.

Looking back on all of this now, it’s heartbreaking. I felt like such an adult back then, but really, I was only 14. I was not an adult. No one protected me, defended me, fought for me. I was alone. Though many people’s stories have not been heard, I’ll probably never get justice. The abusive staff have vaguely apologized, the ones who bullied me never apologized, and 3HO never apologized. I began to realize 3HO was unhealthy, unhappy, unholy.